Body Shaming: How the Thin Ideal is Killing Us!

Hola amigos! Welcome back!

Body shaming is unfortunately everywhere. Body shaming comes from the desire to be in a thin body. Sadly, that thin ideal is killing us.

Highlights of this episode:

• Defining Body Shaming
• Argument Against Shaming
• Problems with Thin Ideals
• Thin Bias in Healthcare
• Body Shaming Environments
• Body Comments Translated
• Body Acceptance

Episode Description: 

[00:00] Imagine you are in 3^rd grade, and your teacher asks you what you want to be in life. You stand up and say, “a pilot! Because I want to feel the air beneath me and swim in the clouds.” Then, a bully responds, “you cannot be a pilot!  You won’t fit in the pilot’s seat!” This is body shaming, and it is a true story from one of David’s clients.

[02:48] What is Body Shaming?

There are different types of body shaming.  There are many places or environments that manifest body shaming. However, there are things you can do to reject body shaming and break free.

[04:02] Why Shaming Does Not Work

Brené Brown is the best researcher on shame and vulnerability, this is an excerpt from her book, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

“if you want to see the ego go to DEFCON 1, get anywhere close to shame. What makes embracing vulnerability feel the most terrifying is how taking off the armor and exposing our hearts can open us up to experiencing shame. Our egos are willing to keep our hearts encased in armor, no matter the cost, if we can avoid feeling ‘less than’ or unworthy of love and belonging. What the ego doesn’t understand is that stunting our emotional growth and shutting down our vulnerability doesn’t protect us from shame, disconnection, and isolation, it guarantees them.”

In other words, body shame is a rejection of self-love. It is a form of bullying. It’s an act of making inappropriate comments that internalized self-hate. We criticize ourselves based on comparison, or worse, we criticize others without consent.

[06:44] The Thin Ideal is Killing Us

How does the “thin ideal” kill us? First, a lack of empathy for ourselves does not create self-care.  This inner turmoil can also affect other people and the collective “us” suffers.

The thin ideal comes from implicit bias. Bias is an unconscious attitude, belief, or stereotype that we value certain types of people or ideas over others. As humans, we decide which group is important to be a part of. The thin group is idealized and the world is made for them, so people want to be in that group.

[10:08] The Thin Ideal is Bias

Differences can create separation; the mentality is that people who are not like us are not us. These beliefs and attitudes play out in our behaviors.

At the beginning of the episode, David shared a story about a client who wanted to be a pilot and the body shame that followed. Her bully led to her feeling like she didn’t belong. So, in order to belong, she tried many diets throughout her life.

Implicit bias is seen in many environments like the social media, movies, television, magazines, newspapers, books, news media, fitness industry, and, of course, the diet industry.

The thin ideal bias eve shows up in our medical industry. Even though healthcare providers want to help their patients, the training against implicit bias is not there. A study was conducted to examine explicit and implicit bias of medical students. It found that “a majority of students exhibited implicit (74%) and explicit (67%) weight bias. Explicit attitudes were more negative toward obese people than toward racial minorities, gays, lesbians, and poor people.”

The Thin Ideal is Killing Us in Medical Care

If you are in a large body and the doctor keeps pushing weight loss as a solution, David recommends you ask and tell the doctor, “how would you treat a person in a thin body for high blood pressure?  Because I have tried to lose weight in the past and it does not work for me.”

This puts the doctor in a different way of thinking. If the doctor keeps the argument that weight loss with solve blood pressure, keep pushing back that FOR YOU, THAT METHOD does not work, so what are other solutions? This is a big way to advocate for yourself getting good care.

[17: 08] Body Shaming Environments

• Airplane Seats
• Medical beds and tables (250 lb max)
• Small chairs and arm rests everywhere
• Mammogram machines
• Lower salaries or not being offered the job.
• Fitness attire and the fashion industry.
• Kids toys displaying how bodies look

Having to buy two airplane tickets, unable to sit comfortably, not getting business opportunities, and not being able to find clothes you like – this makes a person feel rejected. This does not even make business sense because if 2/3 of the population are in large bodies and cannot find clothes they desire, that is a missed economic opportunity.

Since body shaming is everywhere, it creates chronic stress. This stress is deadly.

[23:07] Thin Ideal Creates Thin Privilege

The desire to be thin to belong creates chronic stress because the world is set up for one body type.

Check out this quote from the book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, “the fundamental obliviousness between accepting your body and changing your body is both common and rational despite the accumulating evidence that people different shapes and sizes can be healthy, the stigma around body shape pervades against every domain of our lives and the prejudice, bias, false beliefs, and stigma against fat people are literally killing you. And this form of discrimination is not just legal, but normalized and rationalized by the incorrect idea that fat is a disease. So yes, indeed, it would be nice to be thin because then we would be gifted to be treated like actual people, no matter what. Thin privilege is just as real as privilege associated with gender, race, or class.

[25:26] Body Shaming Comments and What They Mean

“Ugh – I feel so fat today”

This means we don’t love our bodies. It’s a disgusted comment, possibly well-meaning, but this means a person’s health is related to thin body. And if someone feels fat, they don’t feel good and they don’t feel like a good person. Except that: fat is not a feeling. It is simply measure of a body size.

“You are so brave for exercising or wearing that.”

This tells people that they are outside society’s body standards. It tells people that only certain people exercise. This is a big barrier for people in large bodies to go to gyms because of shame surrounding them.

“You are not fat, you are beautiful.”

This means only thin is attractive, which is ridiculous.

“Do I look fat?”

This means that the person wants to look good, but cannot if they look fat because fat is undesirable. Everyone wants to feel attractive, lovable, and interesting. That’s human nature.

“Eat a burger” or “eat a salad!”

This displays bias against the person’s body. If someone is encouraged to eat a burger, that can mean they can afford to eat what they want because they are thin. On the other side, to eat a salad, because you don’t deserve to eat anything with fat in it because you have enough of it and that’s bad.

“Real women have curves.”

Curves don’t define a woman. Peck muscles don’t define a man.

“Did you lose weight? You look great.”

This means that this person did not look good previously and they are rewarded for being in a certain body.

[29:41] Body Acceptance

Instead of body shaming and thin ideals, a positive mentality is body acceptance. Sonia Renee Taylor wrote this in her book, The Body is Not an Apology: “We erase our differences in order to be valid. Differences mean danger or undesirable. Ignoring difference is a problem, how we deal with difference is everything.”

From the story in the beginning of this episode, it’s worth noting that the teacher responded to the bully by sending him to the hallway for isolation. This could have been an opportunity to discuss our differences. His punishment implied that the size is not something we talk about.

[34:46] Body Shaming is Challenging, What Can We Do About It?

Instead of body shaming, try embracing self-compassion. In Dr. Neff’s book, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, discusses that diets are part of body shaming. “Why is being overweight so common and so dieting? Criticizing yourself only leads to more eating. A vicious cycle. A self-compassing response involves forgiving yourself for lapses. Two steps forward, one step back, is a natural human behavior. Having the ability to talk to yourself is so beneficial.”

Sonia R. Taylor gives us amazing tools, what she calls 4 pillars of practice: remove the toxic, mind matters, un-apologetic action, and collective compassion.

Dr. Neff’s approach embraces mindfulness, self-kindness, and shared humanity.  Do you see the common approaches from these two authors?

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Chop the diet mentality; Fuel Your Body; and Nourish Your Soul!