5 Ways to Build a Positive Relationship with Food

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship that you knew was toxic but you couldn’t leave? Diet culture is that toxic boyfriend or girlfriend that gives us a poor relationship to food. Tune in to learn how to build a positive relationship to food and dump diet culture!

Highlights of this episode:

• Food relationships
• How food relationships are damaged
• What a positive relationship looks like
• 5 ways to start building a positive relationship to food

Episode Show Notes* 

*this is not a transcript

[02:22] Do we have a relationship to food?

Yes! Food is more than fuel and nutrients. Food is cultural, personal, it’s calming after you are hangry, its comfort, pleasurable, etc. And it is okay for food to be emotional. Emotional eating is natural. Food should be something to enjoy. It’s a good thing. Every day, we require food and that creates a feeling. It is physiological and neurological. Every time you eat, it can create an experience. Your personal history, heritage, cultural foods all influences your relationship to food. Your personal environment or your settings can influence your relationship too. We don’t have to be aware of it but we all experience it.

[05:18] Things that can damage your relationship to food

 David admits he has privileges about this perspective and wants to recognize that because privileges change our perspectives.

1. Food insecurity

   This means if you do or at one time did not having financial access to what you needed or wanted. Maybe that was not having availability or diversity of food nearby. Childhood experiences of scarcity or trauma can change a person’s relationship to food.

2. Parents or caregivers

Maybe they placed moral judgment or moral character on food. If they used it has a punishment or bargaining system. If you just eat this, you can do this. Go to bed without supper. That food is bad for you, why do you want it? Talking about food and body weight is so common is normalized. Unfortunately, this damages our relationship to food.

3. Peer group, online influencers

How they say things about food or project what the right way to eat is. Influencers are people who have followers, that’s about it. Having followers does not make you an expert of something. It does not make them qualified to recommend to others how to eat. And the media does not need to give more voice or platform opportunities for celebrities’ disordered eating patterns.

4. Entertainment, media

Think of a movie where food is present. A macho Italian mob guy eating meat. Or a small thin woman ordering a salad and is worried about her figure. A tall and big person eating fast food. All these images and narrative add up, whether we are conscious about it or not. Those are biased images that create stereotypes.

5. Fatphobia

   That fear of gaining weight can cause unnecessary restriction to food. Check out our episode about Fatphobia.

6. Diets and excessive exercise

Diets have a five-year cycle, meaning that after five years, the diet plan is no longer working. Diet culture has co-opted words from the intuitive eating approach, which is anti-diet because intuitive eating is not about body weight. They co-opted words like Lifestyle. Wellness. Or maybe it’s packaged as Clean eating. Detox days. Fasting days. Macros, traffic light systems, reverse dieting. If the plan is focused on fixing you or your weight, that’s a diet. Exercise programs also manipulate your relationship to food too. I got to work this off. I can eat whatever I want now. Personal trainers do not have nutrition education and yet, many of them feel like they have the answer for you.

Bottom Line: These external forces reduce our intuitive ability to pay attention to our own bodies. Deciding when you are hungry, full, and choosing foods when and how you want them is really up to you. If you are wondering about whether or not you will only eat ice cream and Oreos, please remember that intuitive eating is about eating food you want and foods that you need. Meeting both lets you feel satisfied. If you only eat want you want all the time, you may feel full but not satisfied. If you only eat what you need, you won’t be satisfied. And if you ignore your hunger, the more the response to eat it will build up and eventually prevail.

[13:50] What is a secure relationship to food look like? 

1. Practical hunger and eating when hungry. Practical hunger is needed because you need food and sometimes you may not want it. Maybe this is because of medications, medical conditions, or digestive issues. Honoring hunger when felt is also important.

2. Enjoying food and being satisfied with food. Satisfied is not a static state of mind. It’s a flow, and the idea is to be in the flow most of the time. This is different than using food as a coping mechanism for mental health. Enjoying food is often missed. What if you put everything else before you, and you don’t eat all day? Then you eat all night and feel guilty even though your body is having a biological response!

3. Consuming variety of foods, diversifying, trying new foods, mixing things up. Sometimes we get hung up on certain foods and it becomes hard to try new foods. David encourages experimenting with new foods because the risk is very low and the rewards are beneficial. Most of us did not like coffee to begin with and yet, most adults drink it now!

4. Eating with others, sharing food, and accepting food from other people or businesses. This helps you secure the new experiences with food and other people. If you can have meals with others, take advantage of this to bond with people and try new foods to build a positive relationship with food.

5. No diet rules, from your own head or an external diet plan. This does not mean you don’t pay attention to your body. This can be tricky to navigate on your own, especially if you are a chronic dieter. Registered dietitian nutritionists with a weight inclusive, intuitive eating approach are great resources to help interrupt body signals. So often, people are using weight as a signal, which is a fallacy. What about our mood, energy, performance? Those are great ways to signal yourself about how food is affecting you.

[23:17] Building a positive and secure relationship to food

The One Small Bite approach is to just pick one of these examples of a secure and positive relationship to food. Welcome in these four traits while you experiment. Let’s say you want to work on enjoying food and being satisfied with food, then use:

Curiosity – challenge the “food police” – what thoughts are coming up around food? Be kind to yourself.

Compassion – if the food police are dragging you down, breathe and reframe the thought.

Commitment – say no to crazy diet rules more often. Motivation is not really the question here.

Consistency – keep up your curiosity on how foods make you feel, without judgment.

Not sure where to start? Check out our free resource on website – Are You an Intuitive Eater?

Resources:

One Small Bite: Anti-Diet Stories that Empower You To Build a Positive and Secure Relationship with Food

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Chop the diet mentality; Fuel Your Body; and Nourish Your Soul!